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Wednesday, April 02, 2003
OK. So here is my own attempt at mockery re: those stupid 'informative' graphics from http://www.ready.gov. If you haven't seen the website, you should check it out. It is truly unbelievable. Bear in mind, these are actual graphics from the actual gov't website (with my captions):
If terrorists attack, your biggest threat will clearly come from file cabinets and bookshelves.
If repeated plastic surgery has destroyed your face, you may want to consider wearing a surgical mask. Permanently.
Radiation cannot hurt you, as long as it is in one sealed room with no entrance, and you are in another sealed room with no entrance.
All of these things are sure signs of the evils of over-industrialized, technocratic society. I mean terrorism! Sure signs of terrorism!
Remember, terrorists hate us because we imperialistically impose our culture of fast food, crappy pop music, and awful sitcoms on the rest of the world. Those ungrateful bastards.
Most of the radiation will merely hit you in the crotch. Do not be intimidated.
As long as you are at least a half-block from a nuclear explosion, you will be fine. But two blocks would be better.
As noted earlier, you will be safe as long as you are at least 1 block from a nuclear blast.
If radiation mutates you to enormous proportions, you should seek out Professor Xavier's School for the Gifted.
Harmful radiation may melt all the features from your face and from those of your loved ones. Consider plastic surgery.
Just say "No!" to dead fish and birds.
Don't overdo the bean burritos, or you'll be sorry...
This graphic is currently out-of-order. We apologize for the inconvenience.
If the door is jammed, pry it open with a crowbar, or a big red arrow - whichever is handiest.
When using inhalants, think about what a great band Biohazard was.
If you live in Maryville, MO, and you need medical attention, you're shit out of luck.
If you are Jeff Vanek, setting yourself on fire will not improve your grade in Bauman's class.
-m
If terrorists attack, your biggest threat will clearly come from file cabinets and bookshelves.
If repeated plastic surgery has destroyed your face, you may want to consider wearing a surgical mask. Permanently.
Radiation cannot hurt you, as long as it is in one sealed room with no entrance, and you are in another sealed room with no entrance.
All of these things are sure signs of the evils of over-industrialized, technocratic society. I mean terrorism! Sure signs of terrorism!
Remember, terrorists hate us because we imperialistically impose our culture of fast food, crappy pop music, and awful sitcoms on the rest of the world. Those ungrateful bastards.
Most of the radiation will merely hit you in the crotch. Do not be intimidated.
As long as you are at least a half-block from a nuclear explosion, you will be fine. But two blocks would be better.
As noted earlier, you will be safe as long as you are at least 1 block from a nuclear blast.
If radiation mutates you to enormous proportions, you should seek out Professor Xavier's School for the Gifted.
Harmful radiation may melt all the features from your face and from those of your loved ones. Consider plastic surgery.
Just say "No!" to dead fish and birds.
Don't overdo the bean burritos, or you'll be sorry...
This graphic is currently out-of-order. We apologize for the inconvenience.
If the door is jammed, pry it open with a crowbar, or a big red arrow - whichever is handiest.
When using inhalants, think about what a great band Biohazard was.
If you live in Maryville, MO, and you need medical attention, you're shit out of luck.
If you are Jeff Vanek, setting yourself on fire will not improve your grade in Bauman's class.
-m
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