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Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Man, you can't teach that fool nothin'! He still don't get it..


Since Google doesn't seem to know yet:
Fairly Crass is the name of the best band ever in the history of music.


So, Googlism is a spinoff of Google, in case you're not familiar, where you enter your name, or any random word, etc., and it returns any matches of that name or word plus the word "is" and the words that follow it on a website, somewhere. The result is a sort of weird poetry. When I enter my name, I find that (my comments in italics):

"-mark andersen is helping to redefine the age" (I'm certain of it)
"-mark andersen is the co" (uh)
"-mark andersen is in his seventeenth year as the phillies assistant athletic trainer" (then why ain't I rich?)
"-mark andersen is looking at holding an umpires course" (yup)
"-mark andersen is co" (eh)
"-mark andersen is" (is what?)
"-mark andersen is a longtime community activist in washington dc through his work as outreach coordinator for emmaus services for the aging he" (who are "the aging he"?)
"-mark andersen is in orlando" (liar)
"-mark andersen is quoted as saying about lyle's behavior during the shopping excursion" (lyle who?)
"-mark andersen is an activist and someone who finds a lot of meaning in punk rockā€¦one of these people that says "punk rock saved my life"" (yup)
"-mark andersen is an activist and someone who finds a lot of meaning in punk rock" (a little redundant..)
"-mark andersen is still touring with his book" (cool. am I rich yet?)
"-mark andersen is one of the premier singer/songwriters on the internet" (Google obviously knows about "A Late November Walk in the Woods")
"-mark andersen is a scientist at hortresearch in auckland" (maybe that is a time warp thing..)
"-mark andersen is very eclectic" (yeah)
"-mark andersen is probably the best" (certainly)
"-mark andersen is conducting the election and the cedar grove canvassing board will approve the" (hmmm)
"-mark andersen is a professor in the department of human movement" (yeah. human bowel movement..)

Clearly, I am either 'co' or 'the co.' I'm not sure what that means, but I think it implies that I should be richer than I am. It is true, I do find alot of meaning in punk rock. I'll let you know about the umpires course. It sounds cool. Not sure which Lyle it's talking about. Lyle Burgher? I don't recall ever shopping with him, except for beer at the Maryville Pub. Everything I do, I do for "the aging he."

Googlism is useful if you're looking for answers. For instance, if you're wondering who Norm MacDonald is, simply enter his name, click 'who,' and there you go:

"-norm macdonald is available for $25k and dave attell is a steal at $5k" OR
"-norm macdonald is god"

or, if you're wondering what 'morality' is, exactly, simply hit Googlism, and you'll find that:

"-morality is those restraints we apply to our natures for the benefit of others; we suffer so the community prospers" OR (as I prefer it, personally)
"-morality is a venereal disease" OR
"-morality is arbitrary"

I suggest you direct all future questions and uncertainties to Googlism, and randomly select a response. I'm sure it will be 100% accurate.


Monday, May 19, 2003

Read this, and then read this, and maybe this and you'll discover why it is I want to move to Norway.


So today, my LaunchCast thang (see the link to "My LaunchCast Station" on the left) suddenly stopped working - nothing new, it's sketchy like that sometimes. But when I brought up the window to see what was up, it was all, "Dude, you are a heavy user. And we can't make any money off that shit. So start paying." So I brought up the "More info" thing, and it was all talking about how advertising was enough to pay for light, occasional users, but the demands of 'heavy users' was too high, so you have to pay. Something like $35 a year. So I clicked on the little button at the bottom - the "Need more info? Email us." thing, and I said "hey, go to hell. there are lots of other stations on line - probably most of them don't have that annoying-ass "Methamphetamine is bad" commercial every 5 minutes, either. Down with Yahoo!, hooray for Hotmail!!" So I've decided I should leave the computer on and Launch running whenever I'm not around. That'll teach 'em.

I mean, come on, don't take that kind of attitude with me. Nobody pays for stuff on the internet, and nobody ever will, cuz somebody else will always give it away for free. Why pay for the cow when you can get the sex for free?

That is just SO stupid, and pisses me off to no end. OK. Look for a link to a new music setup soon.

Saw Matrix Reloaded last night. Well. I'm not sure what to say. Some parts were pretty cool. You know, lots of martial arts action, and some cool special effects. But lots of it looked like a video game, as 'Tiska mentioned. Obviously, the technology isn't quite good enough yet. Some of it was so obviously animation that it was annoying. Then there's the plot. Holy Moses. You need a degree in Matrix to understand what the hell is going on, especially in the last half-hour. But that degree must also be tempered by a serious disrememberment (as Twain might say) of any sense of logic one has ever learned. Otherwise, the whole thing just seems silly and wrong. However, I still want to be Neo. Until Hulk comes out, then I'll want to be him for awhile.

My boss seems pretty fixated on me making up hours I missed during the whole 'Green River Trip' period. Even though I probably have less than 8 hours worth of legitimate work left to do, and two weeks in which to do it. So look for heavy blogging in the next few weeks.

So what else is new? Not a damn thing. Same old stuff. Except that my thesis work seems pretty bleak now. Data problems. Which sucks, but I'm pretty much past the point of giving a rat's ass. Just keep doing what I'm doing until somebody starts yelling or throwing stuff at me.

"Remember, no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer."
-Norm MacDonald

Not to mention, 'whisky.'


Sunday, May 18, 2003

I consider this to be among my finest poems - it was written circa 1996 in Mr. Bell's Pre-calculus class (in which I got a 'C'):


'art class'

the girl with the smock
carries muffins of rye
i think theyre for art
why must it be,
for art is beheld, butter


Many of the rest of them (mostly written 1996-1998), appear here.

Lost forever, apparently, is the poem I wrote about a mysterious pile of goo under the seat of the short bus that ate the buttons off Bennet's Walkman on the way to Canada. You will also not find any of my serious, love-inspired, angry (maybe a few), or nature-mystic-y poems there. I'm just not that open, ok?


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