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Thursday, March 13, 2003

-The first leg of our epic trip to New Jersey is complete. Left Abbie's house in Laramie around 5. Got here about 8:45 that time. 256 or so miles. Pretty good time. No piss breaks. Tomorrow, Beatrice via Lincoln.

-I thought I was the only one that felt this way about bathroom sink water...I've always enjoyed the little sips I've had from the little teeth-brushing-bathroom-sink-cup. It is somehow sweeter, tastier, more refreshing than kitchen sink water.

Mike came up with the novel idea of drinking a WHOLE CUP of bathroom sink water! I guess it's true what the say about stuff being cool..a little bit at a time..or like...for awhile..or in small packages....dammit. I forget what it IS that they say...

Anyway, maybe it's something about the cup you use...


OK. Who the hell voted for this weather, anyway? If I wanted to sweat my ass off in March, I would have stayed in Missouri.
It's like a hundred today.

No posts for awhile. Spring break.

I'll be back around March 24, I guess. Though I may post before then.


Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Ahhhh...jeezis. So I'm working 10 hours today. Stupid..

-Check this out... I want my own action figure, dammit. I'm way cooler than this chode. I could be like, "MR. PLAID," or like, "Crassman."




-I'm really tired today.

Okay, look, I'm not sure who is responsible for design, layout, publishing, etc. of the federal government's websites, but whoever it is should be face execution by blowtorch. Or corkscrew. If you think this sounds harsh, you have obviously not tried to get any useful info from, for instance, USA Jobs (what's with the ".opm" in the address, anyway?..are they TRYING to make it difficult to remember the web address?) or FirstGov..(motto: "All the government info you couldn't find before because it was spread out all over the web is now conveniently located in one convenient website (though we've taken steps to make sure you still won't be able to find what you're looking for..")). I dare you to try to go to USA-Jobs and find a job in your field, or in your geographic area - I'm willing to bet big money you will get one of two things;

1) A message saying no such jobs were found


2) "Sure, we have jobs like that, anywhere in the USA...IN THE ARMY!!!"

Or, start at FirstGov, and try to find anything, absolutely anything, of any value whatsoever. The only thing remotely interesting (read: humorous) I was able to find from this website was the "Be Ready!" (in BRIGHT RED font) page that tells you how to be prepared in case of a terrorist attack... This page is brought to you by "the awesome, super effective office of Homeland Security" (quoting Tina Fey of SNL). My two favorite items recommended for your super-secret emergency anti-terrorism supply stash:

1) "Aluminum foil" (which I presume you are supposed to wrap around your head, to keep the evil terrorist beams from getting inside your brain..)


2) "Feminine supplies" (because, you know, nothing could be worse than being trapped under a burning pile of rubble AND having that "not-so-fresh" feeling...)

I also like this part:

>Household chlorine bleach
>You can use bleach as a disinfectant (diluted nine parts water to one part bleach), or in an emergency you can also use it to purify
> water. Use 16 drops of regular household liquid bleach per gallon of water. Do not use scented, color safe or bleaches with added

Thanks, I think I'd feel safer drinking my own urine..

Especially good are the Cold War-type graphics showing what you should do in case of nuclear blast, chemical attack, etc. This is just destined to be made fun of in years to come.

Homeland Security my ass.


Tuesday, March 11, 2003


-At a time like this, with North Korea pledging to nuke Californina, longtime allies in Europe turning against us, and the most environmentally idiotic legislation we've seen since Reagan (or before), it's nice to know that our legislative branch is tackling the important issues..

-Yay for our foreign diplomats!

I don't have time to link to any more stupid news items, but if you would like more, just check out any story concerning Bush in the last few years. I don't even feel the need to poke fun; he is so good at self-mockery.


Monday, March 10, 2003


-In case you ever wondered how many socks you have worn in your lifetime..

-We truly live in the stupidest country ever. CBS sucks.

-This rules. (requires sound)

-Not yet, stupids!


Sunday, March 09, 2003

I like this.

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