Peruvian Nights and Jamaican Days

I'M SORRY SIR, YOU'RE TOO FAT TO RIDE AN AIRPLANE.

This is awesome. Great when one aspect of our superconsumer economy starts to put the bite on another.

-m

REDISTRICTING

If I were to redistrict the U.S. into new countries, it would look something like this (click to make it git bigger):




And I would live in northwestern Lakesylvania. I've always liked Minnesota.

-m

LIFE.

Man. I'm starting to get frustrated with the advisement I'm getting on my thesis. I put each section (Intro, Study Area Description, etc.) into separate documents so I could more easily send them to my advisor to look over as I completed them. I have a main document, but thought this would be the easiest way, so he wasn't wading through a whole huge document every time I wanted him to take a look at a new section I'd written. And, to keep my sources straight, I was just pasting them from Biblio-Express (which you need to get if you regularly cite the same papers) into the bottom of each section. After emailing these documents to my advisor, I received a response with a few kinda lame comments, one of which was something like "your bibliography should go at the end of the thesis, not at the end of each section." No fucking duh!! Gee, thanks. This is typical of the response I get. Kindergarten! I send something about a major problem - something that is preventing me from going any farther, and I get something stupid back, like "you misspelled 'vasyana,'" or something. It's not as though he doesn't want to be helpful, it's just that he's not.

I would be in so much better shape right now if we'd never gotten funding for this project. I'd be done, probably. I'll be lucky to finish by April, now.

Quick: Better version of Istanbul, Not Constantinople: They Might Be Giants, or Joe "Fingers" Carr?

-m

IN LIMBO I AM, IN LIMBO I SHALL REMAIN...

I took the Dante's Inferno Test, which was kind of linked to from G-Had's blog. The test said I belonged in Limbo, with Virgil, Socrates, Homer, Aristotle, other philosophers, authors, and 'virtuous pagans.' OK by me. At least it didn't say I belonged in Level 9 of Hell. Or, worse yet, purgatory. Boring. At least I'll have some good conversations in Limbo.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

-m

SIGH

I believe the American people have spoken loudly and clearly. And I believe they have said, "DUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH...."

I think that my friends and I came to one conclusion last night. And that was, that one man was responsible for messing up this election.
Ralph Nader? Nope. John Kerry himself? No. George Bush? Huh uh.

It was Abraham Lincoln. That's right, I'm looking at you, Abe. In the winter of 1861, when The South decided to secede, why, oh why, did you not just let them go? I mean, let’s face it, it’s pretty embarrassing to even be linked indirectly by our government to those people. It's not as if they provide any vital resources or industries or brainpower to our country. We don't really need them. We should have let them go – what a continuous source of humor they would have been to us as this ass-backward little country occupying about the most economically-useless portion of our country. And we could have sloughed off lots of other undesirables, too, since they would have gravitated that way. Slavery would have fallen, anyway, with nobody but those lazy southern white folk to perpetuate it. As President (running in 2012), I will encourage The South to rise again, and to secede (won’t that be a funny joke!?) Not that we would be enemies or anything. I would work hard to forge a partnership between myself and President Jeff Gordon.

I was a little uncomfortable about the African American man they kept interviewing on ABC last night that kept talking about how the black and 'brown' folk were going to vote. The 'brown folk?!?' And then Peter Jennings made some comment about how the Kerry people were hoping for a big minority turnout in Ohio, but that it was hard to tell what would happen, since it had been raining all day there.

My friend, Rick: “What are you trying to say, that ‘brown folk’ are scared of the rain?”

I know a lot of people that talked about moving to another country if Bush won another term. Heck with that, I've decided. It’s my country, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to run away.

I haven’t seen any numbers on how the libertarians did in Wyoming this time around. I find no small amount of humor in the fact that so many of these anti-government Wyomingites basically survive on government subsidies - by grazing their cattle and extracting resources on federal land, etc. Wyoming must be the biggest state recipient of ‘welfare’ in the whole country.

Too much Mexican food last night....just going to sleep the rest of the day.

-m

MY EARLY PROJECTION...

In order to beat Fox News to the punch, I'm going to project the winner of the 2004 Presidential election as John Kerry - winning by a margin of either 270-268 or 290-248 (losing WV, WI, IA, but winning FL, PA, MN, and winning or losing OH).

And it will look like this:



The other possibility is a tie. Which would suck, because it would mean 4 more years of Moronicus the Dumb and Tricky Dick.

-m

'WEEN OUGHT-FOUR PITCHERS...

OK. Abbzug has now posted some pictures from this year's Halloween events at her photo site.

Man. Check out my realistic-looking farmer's tan.

-m

'WEEN, PART 2

Oh. I forgot to tell the best part of the whole 'Ween story. The house that hosts this annual party is a high-ceilinged affair, and the people that live there have speakers on shelves way up near the ceiling. At one point, I was standing in the corner, talking to Jen and Abbie, and something suddenly wonked me on the melon. I had one of those brief blackout kind of things like when someone smacks you on the back of the head with their palm in 8th grade. I kind of stood there bewildered for a second, shaking my head, thinking, "OK. I know there's nobody behind me, so how the crap did someone just whack me over the head with a baseball bat without me seeing it coming?" I didn't realize it was the speaker until someone picked it up. I felt a little bit disoriented for the rest of the night. Luckily, it was just one of those bookshelf speakers, and not a full-sized speaker. It must have fallen from a height of about 9' based on how high I had to reach when I was helping put it back up.

Took me awhile to reassure everyone that I was OK: "It's only my head." Straw hats offer no protection against impact.

-m

'WEEN '04

So. Ween '04 pictures will probably follow on Abbzug's photo site. I apologize ahead of time for potentially unpleasant pictures of me without a shirt on. Man. I have a cool farmer's tan. I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw myself in Abbie's camera (digital). When I don't have a shirt on, I look like I have a white T-shirt on.

Um. Let's see. This party is an annual event, apparently. Mostly zoology folk, but the botanists get invited too, or at least the cool ones. And I get invited via my association with the botanists. I recognized a few anthro people there, too. Although, they might be archaeo people - one of those groups of folk who dig up old stuff. I think there were more people there this time than last year. The sangria was deadly, but fortunately it ran out pretty quickly.

So I had planned on going as a woolly bugger (a fishing fly, for those of you who aren't hip to it). But alas, nobody in town carried grass skirts OR fake fur, which were both integral to my plan. So as Plan B, I went as Huck Finn. I did this simply by wearing overalls with the legs rolled up, no shirt, no socks, no shoes, a beat-up straw hat, and a bindle on my shoulder. Let me tell you, the walk to the party was COLD (we have about 3" of snow on the ground as I write this). I would say 64% of people correctly identified who I was supposed to be. Jen was Frida Kahlo (her costume was perfect), Abbie was a librarian, Rick was a golfer, and Peter was an aphid. The best costume of all..wait..I have to set this up for those of you non-Laramites who might be reading...There's this guy who walks around Laramie picking up aluminum cans. He carries one of those old-school external frame packs (think Boy Scouts) with garbage bags full of cans tied to the frame, and dresses like..well...like a grandpa. He probably is one. And he carries a walking stick. So the best costume was a guy that dressed up like that guy. And everyone knew who he was supposed to be.

And as far as barfing goes, it wasn't that bad. So far as I know, it was only me this year (dang sangria!), though I haven't talked to anyone else yet - last year we didn't find out until like 2 days later that half of us had vomited after leaving the party (I was not among them). I had no idea it was coming, but apparenty Jen did, since she had placed a trashcan right in front of me. It was pretty quick, and not one of those awful ones that half comes out your nose. Relatively pleasant, as puking goes. The color and texture was awful - hot pink liquid with bits of fruit floating in it. But all in all, not a bad upchuck.

So, may post pictures here eventually, if I get some from Abbie. Or I might direct you to her site.

In other news, there may be hope yet. It actually seems to me that Kerry might have a shot.

I haven't decided whether to vote Green, or write-in Sharpton. I'm leaning toward Green, since it would help their cause, but they don't seem to be as egotistical as Nader, and will probably direct people to vote for Kerry in swing states. I'm tired of Nader.

In other other news, do not see the movie Coffee and Cigarettes. Or maybe it's Cigarettes and Coffee. Either way, don't bother. Terrible. Just a bad idea. How can a movie that features Bill Murray, GZA, RZA, Tom Waits, Iggy Pop, and Jack and Meg White be made to suck? I don't know. But I suspect they had to try very hard. As I write this, I'm trying to think of a single redeeming quality. It was in black and white, which was apparently supposed to make you think it was 'artsy.' In actuality, it was just really stupid. Jack White is a decent actor, but Meg is terrible. Tom Waits is a good actor, but Iggy Pop is terrible. The scene with Bill Murray was, predictably, fairly hilarious, but mostly because GZA and RZA were great. I don't care what anyone says, that movie is TERRIBLE. It goes NOWHERE. It's like Lost in Translation on Valium.

Also saw the movie The Day After Tomorrow. It was both entertaining and awful. Man. That scene with the wolves. That ranks right up there with the all-time stupidest moments in cinema history.

-m