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Tuesday, June 01, 2004

I FEEL IT'S NECESSARY TO DO SOME LETTER-WRITING...

But first, apologies for the lameness of this blog of late. Been busy and stressed and overwhelmed and everything else.

Henceforth:

An Open Letter #1

June 1, 2004

To: My generation's parents, or the children of the greatest generation
From: m

Dear Parents of My Generation,

I wanted to express my gratitude for all you've done for us. Where would my generation be without the innovations of your generation, such as cable television, SUV's, the cubicle, and crack..?

However, I feel it's necessary to express that we will no longer require your opinions on any of the following matters:

1) haircuts
2) the fact that we should get real jobs
3) gay marriages
4) income taxes
or
5) welfare

I know, I know, you're just trying to help. But 1), just look at yourselves, and 2), well, we'd rather not end up like you - sitting in a small box, inside a big box, starting at a box, all day long, only to go home and stare at a box, until you go to bed, 3) you're just wrong on this one, ok?, 4) if you'd rather not pay income taxes, that's fine, as long as you no longer use things like the interstate highway system, food that is safe to eat, or fire protection services. That's right, next time your house is on fire, you can just put it out yourself with some good old fashioned capitalism - don't be dialing 911. And finally, 5) it's perfectly ok for you to gripe about having to pay taxes to support welfare (even though the amount spent on welfare is about equivalent to the cost of 1 fighter plane), as long as you no longer accept welfare - small business grants and loans, farm subsidies, and the big handouts to corporations that already have too much money.

Again, thanks for everything!

Sincerely,
m

----------------------------------------------------


An Open Letter #2

June 1, 2004

To: Those of you who drive giant SUV's back and forth to your job at the bank
From: m
Re: recent gas prices

Dear SUV drivers:

Ha ha!

Sincerely,
m

----------------------------------------------------


In other news...

My grandpa, who is politically incorrect as hell - due to ignorance, rather than malice - posed a pretty good question yesterday:

If a white person from South Africa immigrates to the United States, would they be considered an African American?

It's a good question.

-m




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